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[keita]

@witness

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[keita]

No, but that doesn't make it less true.

[unionized]

Is that "no" directed toward the part about having friends, or about finding the endurance easier?

[keita]

Ah, the former. I'm sure it doesn't surprise you to learn I have very few friends.

[unionized]

I can't imagine why, with your winning personality and innumerable virtues.

So you haven't been enduring well, then? Or so your remark implies.

[keita]

I am enduring as best I can. What choice do I have?

[unionized]

That's not the question I asked.

Let me guess. Something to do with those ruminations on mortality?

[keita]

Careful, Mr. Shinra. If you keep this up I may begin to think you care.

To satisfy your curiosity: yes, exactly. I believed myself dead, for good reason, and have recently been presented with evidence that I may not be quite as dead as I thought. Thus, mortality.

[unionized]

Undoubtedly there's a future where that's a very real possibility.

I assume that news comes as a relief. Being not quite as dead as previously assumed.

[keita]

[ Well, that's true. Only a few, but they do exist. ]

The news was not unwelcome, but it does necessitate that I begin to care about playing the House's game myself, rather than simply being a resource for those with more to return to.

[unionized]

[...]

Is that really how you've been conducting yourself prior to now? As a resource to others and nothing more?

[keita]

Yes. What else was I meant to do, when an escape from here would mean an acceptance of my fate?

[unionized]

Somehow I suspect that you could've found a way to play the game on your own terms, had you thought you'd derive anything from it.

It's not the being a resource that's raising eyebrows. It's the "nothing more".

[keita]

What part of it do you find surprising?

[unionized]

I believe the phrase you once used was "arranging things to your satisfaction".

I'm sure you could've if you'd wanted to. Which implies you thought there was no satisfaction to be found to begin with.

[keita]

I could have, yes. But I don't like the way it feels to play with other people's lives, so I try to refrain, generally. I don't expect you to believe me, of course; no one does, so you're in good company.

What I'm not sure I follow is what satisfaction you think I should have sought in death. Physical? Emotional? Something else entirely? Or are you merely disappointed I didn't resign myself to going gentle into that good night?